Thrive wherever life takes you #5

One adventure in the books:

Crewing and Pacing for Run Rabbit Run 100

Last weekend I found myself in steamboat springs Colorado supporting my good friend, David Hettena. David was toeing the line of his first 100 mile run. He chose to challenge himself by completing his inaugural 100 at altitude in the mountains outside of steamboat springs. He got even more challenge than he signed up for with the weather forecasted for the day (rain most of the day, hail storms up at altitude in the night). David absolutely crushed the day, finishing in approximately 26 hours and toughing out the highs and low to finish strong!

I find crewing and pacing to be such a rewarding experience. There is something magical about witnessing someone challenge themselves and push to the limits of their capabilities. Bearing witness as someone pushes themselves beyond what they think they can do is inspiring. When you see someone who is struggling, mentally or physically, but chooses to keep moving forward, it reminds you of the resilience and fortitude of the human spirit. As human beings, we are capable of so much more than we can fathom. In sport, and in every day life. Whenever the task at hand seems impossible or unbearable it helps to break it down. It helps to just focus on the moment you are in. One hill, one step, one breath at a time. If we focus on the moment we are in, and simply ask, can I keep doing this for one more moment, we find the answer is usually yes. Whether the challenge is a race, a new job, or building a new habit, you might have to ask yourself this question a dozen times. But when you focus on the moment at hand, instead of the impossible task before you, bit by bit you inch toward the finish line. You do the thing you thought you couldn’t. And you realize something that seemed impossible is now within your reach.

I also believe that the conversations that flow in the middle of the night between a runner and pacer or runner and crew forge bonds that are unparalleled. There are moments of laughter, some silly jokes, moments of silence, and of course times when stuff gets real and emotions run high. Whether you are laughing together or crying together, those 2:00 am moments are about as real, raw, and genuine as life gets. When was the last time you let yourself be completely real in front of someone else?

One lesson worth learning:

Think of your interactions with someone like marbles in a jar

A common topic in therapy is relationship building. Many people are looking to deepen their connection with friends or a romantic partner, become more open and trusting, and connect more fully with others.

For many people, negative past relationship experiences are a barrier to this. This includes negative experiences with a former friend/romantic partner, as well as negative experiences with someone who is still a significant part of your life. Occasionally people who love and support us hurt us. A negative comment, feedback delivered a little too candidly, an unsupportive action, or forgetting to do something that was promised can all be hurtful. These situations can make us temporarily pull back from someone in our lives as we re-establish trust. They can also cause us to question our relationship with certain people.  

Think of these interactions as marbles in a jar. Each interaction you have with someone in your life can be either positive, neutral, or negative. Let’s think of the positive interactions as a pleasant shade of green. The neutral ones as a calming shade of blue. And the negative ones as red. One red marble in a jar brimming with green and blue is hardly noticeable. It is easily overshadowed by a sea of greens and blues. Even several red marbles don’t take away the pleasant effect of the greens and blues. As more and more red marbles are added to the jar, they become noticeable. However, when enough greens and blues are present, the color red is not overwhelming. If the red marbles are a large enough percentage of the total marbles in the jar however, the color really catches your attention.

For most negative interpersonal experiences, we can use the marbles in the jar analogy. A few mistakes or infractions need not cast doubt on an entire relationship otherwise filled with support and joy. Are these moments still worth bringing up with your partner? Possibly. If many of the red marbles are from similar types of situations (e.g., a pattern that repeatedly makes you feel badly over and over again), these moments are absolutely worth talking about. If the red marbles don’t hang together in any discernable pattern, and instead are from occasional one-off mistakes made when your partner was angry, stressed, tired, or otherwise not their best, these might be moments we choose to let go of.

What is worth thinking about it the ratio of red to non-red marbles you are willing to accept in your relationships. This may vary from relationship to relationship. Sometimes we are willing to accept a larger ratio of red in our familiar relationships versus our chosen relationships (friends, romantic partners). Take some time to think about the ratio of marbles in your most important relationships.

One quote I’m loving right now:

“Be strong enough to bend”