Five things you can do to improve your relationship by the end of the week

Simple But Powerful Things You Can Do to Improve Your Relationships by the End of the Week

Not long ago, my partner and I had one of those conversations where everything seemed to come out wrong. He thought he was being clear and providing actionable feedback, but I heard criticism. He tried to clarify, but I felt dismissed. I tried to express my emotions, but he stayed firmly rooted in logic. Within minutes, we were both frustrated and stuck.

Later, when we finally unraveled it, we realized we hardly touched on the original issue at all. Our emotions were not tied to what we were communicating about, but rather how we were communicating (or not) with each other. We were tired, stressed from our days, and little miscommunications left both of us feeling unseen and unheard.

If you’ve ever had a moment like this, you’re not alone. All relationships experience conflict and miscommunication from time to time, despite what it might look like on social media. But when stress piles up, communication falters, and small disconnections go unnoticed time and time again, partners begin to feel unseen, unappreciated, stuck in repeating cycles of conflict, and generally disconnected from each other.  

Why We Feel Disconnected

Research shows that relationship strain often comes down to a handful of common dynamics:

• Stress spillover: Daily pressures from work, family, or finances bleed into interactions with our partner.

• Miscommunication: We assume our partner knows what we mean or feel without communicating or clarifying.

• Missed bids for connection: Psychologist John Gottman describes “bids” as the small attempts partners make for attention, affection, support, and connection- like sharing a thought, asking a question, or reaching for a hand. When ignored or brushed aside, they chip away at closeness.

• Unrealistic expectations: Believing relationships should feel effortless often leads to frustration when conflict inevitably arises.

What distinguishes couples who feel connected and happy in their relationships from those that don’t, is the ability to notice when these patterns are playing out and engage in small but intentional actions to interrupt these cycles.

Five Simple But Powerful Ways to Strengthen Connection This Week

1. 30 seconds of gratitude.
Take 30 seconds each day to think about a few things your partner does that you feel grateful, inspired, or proud of. Even more powerful, tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them, something small and specific. Cultivating a sense of gratitude boosts relationship satisfaction for both the giver and the receiver.

2. Respond to bids.
Notice when your partner makes a bid for attention or affection. Maybe they share a story, send a text, or make a passing joke. Instead of half-listening or brushing it off, turn toward them with interest. Even small responses accumulate into a powerful sense of being valued.

3. Use “I” statements instead of “you”.
When tension arises, try saying, “I feel stressed when plans change last minute” instead of, “You always change things on me.” This simple shift reduces defensiveness and increases the chance you’ll be heard. Bonus points if you can drop the use of “always”, “never”, or similar extreme words. These types of phrases ratchet up defensiveness in our partners before we can even get to the content of what we want to share.

4. Schedule a check-in with each other.
Set aside 10 minutes this week where you each share what’s been hard for you. Before doing this, communicate with each other ahead of time that the goal isn’t to fix it anything, but to listen and empathize.Changing the focus from “feedback and fix” to “listen to empathize” will decrease feelings of dismissal and invalidation, while increasing a sense of competence and compassion. Feeling emotionally supported during stressful times is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction.

5. Ask how you can show up for each other.
Ask your partner for one specific thing you can do to help them this week. This should be something small and specific that your partner feels will make a positive emotional, mental, or logistical impact on their week. Committing to showing up in one small, specific way is typically doable from the giving partner’s perspective, and can often feel extremely powerful from the receiving partner’s perspective.

Bringing It Together

Improving a relationship rarely happens through grand gestures. It’s the small, consistent choices- listening with presence, noticing what’s good, creating moments of connection- that make the biggest difference. The goal by the end of this week is not to solve every conflict or eliminate every frustration, but to feel more like a team, like you are supporting each other and working together rather than working against each other.